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passe
i don't even know why i love you in the first place when my love for you keeps going back to hate. you made me hate you. your words cut deep, your actions make me feel unloved. you don't know how hurt i feel. the old wounds from last time are reopened, all thanks to you. i don't know how you do it, but you always have a way of forcing me to do things i don't like. i don't even know why i listen to you all the time, despite knowing that it is something i strongly dislike. oh right, it's because of love, isn't it? it's the love for someone who you don't want to see being hurt because of your words, your actions and attitude. but i'm sick of switching modes all the time, from love to hate and back to love again. i just want to run away, run away from it all. now do you know why i wake up for church by myself instead of school, and why i love camps and always come home crying when camp is over? it's because i want to escape from you, and i hate it when i'm with you. i cannot remember a single wonderful childhood memory when the whole family is having fun together. not one. instead, i can remember quarrels, fights and open wounds. i'm sick and tired of all this already. i can't believe I'm saying this, but sarah has been right all along. let me tell you this, i hate japanese. i absolutely abhor taking japanese classes. perhaps if you didn't force me and I went on my own accord, I would probably like it as much as french. but it's too late. everytime i see you now, it makes me want to cry. i love you so much, do you know that? you mean everything to me. But you just had to make me hate you all over again. and that sucks. And you. i have absolutely nothing to say to you. you backstab me time and time again. there is a limit to everything and you have exceeded mine. i think most of the pain i'm feeling now comes from you. why do you have to keep doing this? i hope i will never grow up to be like you. never. There are just some things that i can relate to you, but not all. our relationship is a tough one. i have never really loved you 100% as a child because i felt you favoured sarah and so i was hoping that i give you all of it now. but you just have to keep stomping on all the love and trust i give to you. you keep saying that i don't appreciate you and i don't love you. how can i when i feel the same way about you? i hate switching modes for you as well, love hate love. now that i can't go for yf camp, i'm awfully upset. i can't run away and hide from the both of you. so stop making my life any miserable. i seriously need a hug right now. |