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passe
i've been having like a million thoughts run through my head everyday. maybe it's because i'm too bored or i simply have nothing to do. it's so weird. my mind questioning about God, life, family, friends, future etc. and not having any answers for them at all. been listening to sad songs on replay. rahhh, obviously you can tell i'm absolutely bored to death this holiday. i'm starting to drift into "dream" mode during accountancy class. damn. and i have no money! :( so no shopping. sigh. i want me back. i want to go back to the days where i lived unpretentiously, where i believed every truth and lie, where i simply lived by pleasing myself and no one else, where i would dress up any way i want, not giving a care in the world of who will be staring at me or whether i look presentable / pretty enough. people change, dont they. i always tried to push the blame and denied 100% that i've changed. but alas, the truth prevails, doesnt it? i wish i didnt change. i wish, with all my might, that i will get rid of the me now and get back the me then. it's times like these when you really believe God has the answers to everything. and i know He does. He may not answer all of them now or in this lifetime. i was genuinely disappointed when i realised that you were not interested in my religion at all. you were merely using my religion as a conversation or discussion topic, as you had nothing better to talk about. you didnt want to know more, you just wanted to question. because of you, i can't help but continue stereotyping. why are people so hard to read? can't people for once, show how they really feel inside? ah, but i'm guilty of this too, so heh. sorry if this entry sounds super disjointed. its hard to type all my thoughts into a nice, smooth flowing essay because this is exactly how it is. our dreams, and they are made of real things, like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving. |