so you thought it didnt hurt me at all when i said that. on the contrary, it hurt so badly, thats why i cried. you can be so contradicting at times, do you know that. you said i didnt understand, that i was insensitive and that im taking you for granted. but what if i tell you that i'm not? i appreciate you for everything you have done. i dont know, yes i owe you an apology but i hate it everytime you do this to me. i know it breaks your heart but it hurts me more because i am witnessing your pain and feeling extremely guilty about it. this is what you wanted me to feel and congratulations, you did it. i just dont understand why we can never seem to get along. we can, for a while but after that, it falls apart and the same cycle replays all over again. now, i dont want to apologise although im partly in the wrong. i just hate it hate it hate it. you always do this to me. make me feel so broken up inside and make me feel humiliated. i am just so tired of this, i dont want to quarrel anymore. i just want to return home to a family that gives me the warmth and love i need. but i can't find it here. i can continue being bitter about this, but i dont want to. and i'm sick of apologising for something that is only partly my fault. and the fact that today is supposed to be your special day, makes it worse. suddenly, those 3 words become the hardest words to say.